The beauty of the world! No, that is a dog. General: Wake up you bastard, or I burn this bastard bed down! Marwood: It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. Tea Shop Proprietor: Imagine the size of his balls. Monty: Director: Bruce Robinson Stars: Richard E. Grant, Paul McGann, Richard Griffiths Rating: Unrated Runtime: 107 minutes Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Any minute now he's going to rush out and get into his tights. Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness. "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Geoff. We want them here and we want them now! Throw yourself into the road, darling! Especially that. Miss Blennerhassett, telephone the police. Monty: This pill's valued at two quid. I've always been fond of root crops but I only started to grow last summer. That means we'll miss out Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. Monty: Withnail: [picking up an apron] My brain's capsizing, I've gotta unfuck my brain! Didn't you hear? Withnail: You've had an audition. He'd like a bit of pleading. Especially that little pimp! Withnail: Withnail: Sulking up the hill. I feel unusual. 2023. I have a heart condition. Do you like to experience all facets of life? Four floors up on the Charing Cross road and never a job at the top of them. The wankers don't drink it because they can't afford it. How right you are, how right you are. What goods the countryside? He can eat his fucking radish. How noble in reason! Probably on a tenner a day, and I know what for! What are you doing up here, then? Sherry? This is me, naked in a corner! Evidently country people are no more receptive to strangers than city-dwellers. Withnail: [a live chicken is standing on the table]. Don't be ridiculous. The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. Quotes and one-liners: . Monty clearly has some difficulty in reading the note. What had I done to offend him? I've some extremely distressing news. Withnail and I is a comedy-drama film which got pretty popular. Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. Parkin's been. Find *anything*. He's building the prototype now. 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this. Withnail: It's the only solution to this intense cold. Withnail: Withnail: I say, you know what we should do? Danny: It's you he wants. Im in the same boat. You are invited to spend an hilarious weekend in the English countryside. You haven't slept in sixty hours, you're in no state to tackle it. That's politics, innit? Will it? Aren't you getting absurdly high? How can we make it die? [to Marwood] My heart's beating like a f***ed clock! [smiling] Jake: My thumbs have gone weird! And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. One of my favourite movies. Marwood: "I f*** arses"? Well, of course you don't, you are incapable of indulging in anything but pleasure, am I not right? I must have some booze. Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. If you don't leave, we'll call the police. In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Withnail hands Marwood the bag of shopping and jumps over the wall to safety. He gags and gasps]. An old woman with a clunky hearing aid pinned to her apron opens the door]. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. Withnail: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. My heart's beating like a fucked clock! Danny: move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. These are the best withnail and I quotes. Withnail: No, he'd like a bit of pleading. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. [Heckles pedestrian] Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your f***ing appendix doesn't mean anything! Danny: This is me naked in a corner! That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. I've looked into it. Uncle Monty: It is the most shattering experience of a young man's life when one morning he awakes and quite reasonably says to himself, "I will never play the Dane.". Call Of Duty 4 Modern Warfare: War Quotes - YouTube www.youtube.com. And for once Im inclined to believe that Withnail is right. [telephoning his agent] Yes, we'll buy this place and we'll install a fucking jukebox in here and liven all you stiffs up a bit! You need working on, boy! Withnail: Withnail: I could take double anything you could! Marwood: Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! Here hare here!" Bruce Robinson, Withnail and I: the Original Screenplay. Thought I was going for a minute. Withnail: Hare. You been away? Forgive me, it was inconsiderate of me not to have telegrammed. Hey, show no fear! General: Jake The Poacher: I been watching you, 'specially you, up on them moors prancing around like a tit. Danny: Well, don't. [casually lighting a cigarette] And here we are, we three, perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. Don't look, don't look! Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! Monty: Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). Withnail: Talk. extends arm with umbrella straight up to sky, seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Because I want to walk you to the station. You wouldn't spike me, you're too mean. Danny: As a youth, I used to weep in butchers' shops! Got a bit carried away. Withnail: Withnail: You mustn't blame him. I was gonna cook onions. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. It's ridiculous. Irishman: Uncle Monty: Sherry? And it isn't his fault he cannot love you any more than it's mine that I adore you. Withnail: No fridges, no televisions, no phones. These eels here are for his pot. Withnail: We are 91 days from the end of this decade and there's gonna be a lot of refugees. Why can't I get on television? Must be 20,000 sheep up there on those volcanoes, we've got a plate full of carrots. What should we do? Marwood: Withnail and I is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Imagine the size of his balls. Prostitutes for the bees. These aren't mine, they belong to him. He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken, a few minutes later, Withnail re-enters the cottage holding a wet stick, Withnail sees Marwood eating some brownish fluid out of a bowl with a spoon, Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window, looking at the kitchen sink overflowing with dirty dishes, he picks up the kettle on the stove. We'll be back. Withnail: [seeing a road sign reading "ACCIDENT BLACK SPOT. Isaac Parkin: It's all your fault. A coward you are, Withnail! This *is* the morning. Withnail: Hold on, don't let your imagination run away with you Marwood: Imagination! Jake: Now look, you. Haven't seen Gielgud down the labour exchange! Why can't I get on television? Sophocles. It's a bloody chicken! [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. Alright, we're going to have to work quickly. Monty: Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't. Listen, Monty, there's something I have to explain to you. I know how you feel and how difficult it is. Withnail: - Washington Irving. Dont be ridiculous. Keep back, keep back! Withnail: I could take double anything you could! It's society's crime, not ours. The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off." Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie, ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck, Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood, Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce, Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid, he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. Belongs to the fellow downstairs. Change down, man. Withnail: [reading graffiti] Shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour. They can handle the caftan but they cannot handle the bell. Withnail: Old suit?! Withnail: Just you wait! According to these instructions, you refuse everything but a urine sample. This is a device enabling the drunken driver to operate in absolute safety. Withnail: We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now! Danny: Cool your boots, man. It will pass. Stop saying that, Withnail! Easy for you to say, luvvie, you've had an audition. Here hare here? Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: How can it be so cold in here? [gesturing at the wine bottles and Marwood in the back] I have a heart condition, if you hit me it's murder. He slams it shut and slumps against it, shaken]. He doesn't have any friends. The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news! Marwood: My thumbs have gone weird! Prostitutes for the bees. Then you gotta change its drawers for it. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. I feel dreadful, I feel really dreadful. Withnail: You've got soup. Monty: One of us has got to stay on guard. I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the geranium. He won't gore you. Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels. Best kill it quick before it tries to make friends with us. I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! Danny: Then why's he wearing that old suit? Raymond Duck. I been watching you, especially you, prancing like a tit. Withnail: Headhunter to his friends. It's impossible, I swear it. I've looked into it. I might fetch you up a rabbit. What fucker said that? Withnail: Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? We're working on a film up here. I'd never have wanted it, not with him in it! What we need is harmony, fresh air, stuff like that., Flowers are essentially tarts. Rubbish. Goes into court in his caftan and a bell. Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up. Withnail: I fail to see my familys of any interest to you. How dare you tell him that?! All right, this is the plan. Look at my tongue. [after having entirely covered himself in muscle embrocation to keep warm] [Marwood comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel]. I can never touch meat until it's cooked. The bastard's about to run at me! Peter Marwood (I): Even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. Look at my tongue, it's wearing a yellow sock. Withnail: Danny: Don't get uptight with me, man. But now he's stopped he's much better in our sex life and in our general life." Then why's he wearing that old suit? Danny: [noticing the plastic bags that Withnail is wearing over his shoes] I can't. How dare you call me inhumane! When I strike they won't know what hit them! Its landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretensions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot. Danny: Just because the best tailoring you've ever seen is above your fucking appendix doesn't mean anything! Cake. [Jake has left a dead hare hanging on the cottage door, along with a note], Monty: I'm utterly arseholed. Nonsense. Marwood: We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. Jesus Christ. Marwood: Dont vent your spleen on me. This ain't fancy dress." This is a British cult classic. The only programme I'm likely to get on is the f***ing news. Top 65 Best Nikola Tesla Quotes On Energy & Success 2023, Top 70 Bengals Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 68 March Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 57 Airplane Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 65 Philippine Literature Quiz Trivia Questions And Answers, Top 62 Chemistry Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 63 Biology Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023. . They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworth's, man. [he pulls Withnail's cigarette out of his mouth and puts it in his]. Give me a downer, Danny. St Peter preached the epistles to the apostles looking like that. Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! Cooking's one of the natural instincts. Monty: It's impossible to make a Camberwell Carrot with anything less. Marwood: No more than you have. Scrubbers! Get out of it for a while. These mom & son quotes will help you describe your love for him. Marwood: Monty: Here hare here. It's trying to get itself in with you. A cat, rain, Vim under the sink, and both bars on. Withnail: They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Here, I dont want it. He can eat his ****ing radish. Withnail: 'Scuse me. How noble in reason! I took drugs to win medals says top athlete Geoff Woade.". Get any more masculine than him and you'd have to live up a tree. 2 quotes have been tagged as withnail-i: Bruce Robinson: 'We've gone on holiday by mistake' and Bruce Robinson: 'Here. Now, come along, Im going to teach you how to peel a potato., I must have some booze. I happen to be the proprietor. I often wonder where Norman is now. He's been fed from arsehole to beak. Give in to it, boy. How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader?! Well neither have I. [he pulls its head off and tips some pills out of it]. Followed by yet another anecdote about his sensitive crimes in a punt with a chap called Norman who had red hair and a book of poetry stained with the butter drips from crumpets. "Boy lands plum role for top Italian director" Course he does! And I've come in here with the express intention of wishing one on you! Withnail: (Paraphrasing Hamlet) I have of late but wherefore I know not lost all my mirth and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. [pulling some goo out of the sink] Withnail: I think we've been in here too long. [shouts out of the car window at a man standing on the pavement]. What happened to my agent? Withnail: Where is he? I happen to think the cauliflower more beautiful than the rose. Let him get his drugs out. Murder and All-Bran and rape. Making an enemy of our own future. [narrating over scene] Of course you are! You will make it low. He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. Come on, old boy. Why can't I have an audition? Offer him yourself. Marwood: You never discuss your family, do you? A coward you are, Withnail, an expert on bulls you are not! No it doesn't. Withnail: Hair are your aerials. Hello? In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Withnail: Stop saying that! They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. The murder and All-Bran and rape. Marwood: Jesus Christ! What on Earth are those? How like an angel in apprehension! I thought they'd all be out the back, drinking cider and discussing butter. The beauty of the world. You want me to call whatshisname and ask him about his house? [amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables] The movie, which takes place in England in late 1969, involves the misadventures of a pair of chronically unemployed actors. What the fuck are you talking about? Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker! Keep your bag up. [cockily] He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. But now he's stopped, he's much better in our sex life and in our general life.'" Sons are the anchors of a mother's life. Withnail: 1 likes. It's trying to get itself in with you, it's trying for even more advantage! Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! Sort: Relevant Newest # withnail and i # withnail and i # game of thrones cast # drunks # multimillionaires # gotcha # dave chappelle # i will # gotcha bitch [whispering] Marwood: Time change. [toasting with a drink] What the f*** are you talking about? Withnail And I - Wikipedia en.m.wikipedia.org. Marwood: They are playing poker with bottle tops and a . Why don't you go back? And as Presuming Ed here has so consistently pointed out, we have failed to paint it black. [getting up at the same time] It's too hot so he drops it]. Tactical necessity. And how dare you tell him I love you?! Withnail: Flowers are essentially tarts. There can be no true beauty without decay. Withnail and I is a 1986 film comedy written and directed by Bruce Robinson and starring Richard E. Grant (Withnail), Paul McGann (Marwood, the "I" of the title), Richard Griffiths (Uncle Monty) and Ralph Brown (Danny). "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts . His head must weight fifty pounds on its own. I want something's flesh! Monty, Monty! I must be ill. Withnail: Right, you f***er, I'm going to do the washing up. Something's got to be done. There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside! Let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? Look at Geoff Woade! [staggering out] Tea Shop Proprietor: Danny: Withnail: I feel like a pig shat in my head. I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. Black puddings are no good to us. The greatest decade in the history of mankind is over. [approaching the pub] Now that represents a degree of hypocrisy I've hitherto suspected in you, but have not noticed due to highly evasive skills. Withnail: I've got a bastard behind the eyes. Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Withnail: Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age! Danny: Reflecting these times. I'm not gonna understudy anybody. Withnail:I'll not have this shag sack insulting me! Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. I'm not going to understudy anybody. There's nothing out there except a hurricane. It's like Greenland in here. *Get-in-the-back-of-the-van*! Look at this - accident blackspot? Marwood: [Contemplating how to kill a chicken for supper] It's got dreadful beady eyes, they stare at you. Ah, he knows. When that moment comes, one's ambition ceases. Clearly a myth. Withnail: Had a weight under his fez. We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman.