April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. Seriously? female
It could fail. Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. We should use it more often. And as so many others have said dontt want a kid? If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. at risk of STDs. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. Dee S. Advocate lets_be_honest And thats a double entendr. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. Thats why we never used condoms. well, then Id run screaming the other way. Its still good advice if the letter his fake, actually, since there certainly are people in this situation. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Story. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. Either_Coconut 3 mo. Thats seriously not cool. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. If it is hers you bet she supports it. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? If a woman gets pregnant from a quick, meaningless relationship and tells the father that shes expecting, and the father wants desperately to keep the baby, what do we call the woman who aborts the child anyways? (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today Dude, thats seriously out of line. She might not have been on the Pill, but that was a risk that he chose to take by having sex with someone he knew for two minutes without a condom. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! That isnt misogyny. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Oh thank you thank you thank you! The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Ever since U.S. lol. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. Theres a fun scenario. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. Chuck Pelto The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. That support is not hers. bittergaymark If your girlfriend complains that you never take . When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. All I can say is therapy. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. Its not that fucking hard. Bless your heart. April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. Sorry. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. landygirl No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. so we have a 8mth baby. and our April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. lets_be_honest Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. The kid has no blame here. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. CONSTANTLY. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Is that fair to women? Your biological child. If there is no child at conception It is actually quite easy. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. We all know that going in. And how can you be mad at the woman? But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. iseeshiny And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. female
Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? He didnt expect that to happen. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. Id confirm that hes actually the father. Niven and Pournelle, Lucifers Hammer]. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. And before we launch into a discussion of how terrible abortion is, in this case (the LW) were talking about one that is very early on. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. April 9, 2012, 4:23 pm. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. Its very unfair. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. There is no child at conception very good. I agree with you, as well. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. female
Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. They had just gotten back together after finding out she was pregnant. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. bittergaymark Ill never leave you. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. Steve Kellmeyer If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? she didn't know that she's pregnant after in 4 month later. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. Two. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Step away slowly. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. bittergaymark 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. You deserve each other! illinois obituaries 2020 . Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through.
That is not acceptable. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? I think the LW comes across as bitter and resentful and would rather blame the other woman, making her out to be the villain, than to admit that she and her ex really might not belong together.