They were going out a lot. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. I LOST MY MUM 2 YEARS AGO,I HAVE EIGHT BROTHERS ,I AM THE ONLY DAUGHTER,I WAS VERY CLOSE AS WE HAD MOVED 40YEARS AGO FROM HER FAMILY,SO NEVER WAS CLOSE TO ANY OTHER WOMEN. She's had this stability for three decades, she's forgotten who she even was without him. I have read every single comments on this chat box. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. Posted November 9, 2013. We only dated for 3 short, wonderful months. Hay it sucks, I pray everyday for karma to catch them both already. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. He was so happy that we were there in his hometown, with him and his family (since here he doesnt have that extended family). Those of you who are kind will try to understand ,those of you who are are busy causing untold family damage and rifts will argue that you have the right to do what you like. she is like a dog marking her territory. I would follow them several paces behind when they went to the cemetery perhaps seeking absolution. Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. Your thing to do here is just be there for her. . My parents were married 60 years. If you read this could you message me in the hope that we can help each other ? You're 24 and the youngest of your siblings, so I assume a long time, around thirty years? So as soon as my Mom died we decided to wait until the following Jan to have a memorial, after Christmas. People are here looking for comfort, and you bash them. She refused to believe it; he was wrong. If we complain and say it would really help our lives if she could commit to coming and not change her plans all the time he says This is how we work things.. It is so very hurtful. Dating after diagnosis and told me wash and telling everyone; contacting the zest for some things she's. Listen to them, support them, be there for them as much as they will let you, and pray, pray, pray. I wanted to scream, youre only able to say that since my MOM is dead.. Needless to say I didnt sleep all night and sent my father a heartfelt email telling him how I felt about the situation. Im not trying to justify his actions, only getting some sense of my own and how best to protect my daughter, who suspects that this friend of the family and I are becoming more then friends. This because after a meal of her mother 32; just wants to honor of a half. A big man he was 64 and he was like a big teddy bear. He is 20 again and mom has been gone for 5 months. If love is measured in sacrifice then she despises him. After reading all your posts, Id rather never meet her! I was 19 and it was completely unexpected. I did not do anything wrong other than fall in love with their awesome dad. Even if you choose to not listen to any of this, I am sorry to hear about your pain and your loss. I simply could not process the situation. Years ago my beloved grandfather, John, had a stroke. He was in the ICU for a month and came out of the hospital with physical disabilities and dev My mom whom was my teammate died suddenly it was most horrible experience of life, Im devastated. So messed up! He is clearly uncomfortable talking about any grief that he is feeling now but says, talking with women online makes him feel better. It's really, devastating sadness that people grow old and suddenly at You cant change things and you dont have to accept this with open arms. When I did not return the favor to her, she stopped sending the cards. Missing dad will never go away but finally that's no longer the dominant thing running through her head. There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. I attempted to counsel my dad on the timing and the possible reasons he wanted to pursue this intimate relationship and the reasons he should wait. How do I cope with this? She was only 59 years old. What a way to find out that your dads married and shares a joint bank account with a stranger! Her house sold and then all of a sudden she is living in my parents house. I miss my husband with all of my heart and would do anything to have our life back and the way it used to be. I dont understand her and I never will. My phone bill is about $400 a month. It is evident that this woman was just waiting for my mom to take her last breath before she jumped. Would it make these adult children happier if their remaining parent curl up in a ball in the corner, wear black everyday and sit in the house the rest of their life? We are so happy and today is the day we get to celebrate us. So I accept it or lose my Dad. Things will never be the same that they used to be, fear of the unknown, change. The day before thanksgiving, my mother wasnt able to get up. After all, his needs werent being met. Practice remembering hard, so that you still can when you're older. I want to apologize and she declined at my apology. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. They seem to have no interest in having any relationship with my husband and me, not even a superficial one. So 10 months we met her and now he wants this woman in our lives. Spoiler alert: studies show that he found out that this new york. Since we set the woman in icu, a world of my dad liked and suddenly at 53. Just thinking about this makes me feel sick. This is a tough time, since you are grieving and also trying to help someone else who is grieving. Its been five months since she passed but I knew for nearly a year that she was going to die, it was a matter of time and that was that. I lost my mother in July 2008 after a very long illness. Your email address will not be published. But, I got through it, and now, six years later, I look back at all the moments in my life when I felt like I couldn't go on and smile on them because they've made me strong and they were raw. I encouraged him to go? Where is her income? She wonders how long this will last until we accept her. A month or so later my father started to talk to a new woman. I dont know how to cope with this, I just keep hoping that she will leave my dad like because she does not deserve the amazing man that he is. I am a 45 yr old man who lost his wife of 18 years and partner for over 23 yrs after a long battle with cancer. I feel as if Ive lost both Mother and Father. . While you may feel alive and aglow this poor family are aghast. I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands. All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. I suspect he was dating again within a year after my mom died. I was totally wrongthat was temporary. I truly hope that all of you can find peace with your fathers dating again, and I am so very thankful to have found this site. There are people in the U.K who have never worked and who live in what is called council housingwhich would be social housing in the U.S Sorry for all the misspellings above. But the way that she did it was deceitful. WebA legal document directed the family home gets sold after the father died. However . He should worry about his own 20 year old daughter, not her kids. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family But how can you be the judge? That was their way of caring for her. We all need the support of the family, during the process of grieving and for the rest of our lives. Bachelor and constantly discuss these women he is talking to, showing us their pictures they have sent him on his smart phone, and even dropping vague hints that he has met up with some of them while traveling for work. I was shocked at his behavior. Maybe Im being childish and selfish but a dying wish for a wife of 42 years should be honored dont you think? Alas, my father is haunting me from his grave. Mom is likely scared to apply for work after all those years. It is all I can do to keep from having a blow-up with this woman. Your mom isn't even 50 yet, she can still get a job and maintain herself. Its for my dads sake. I am not even over grieving the loss of my mother and I feel I have to be the strong one and accept this new faze in my life. It got to the point that every time my sister would call it was all about Marsha. I recently sent a letter to an online relationship advice column and they responded to my letter. My dads wife wont let us have 1 minute alone with him. Dear N, My father is with this person every single day & calls him at least 3 times a day. Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. I will say though, that as much as adult children need to be sensitive to and understanding of their parents companionship needs, the surviving parent must not force a friendship with the new woman in his life on his child. I have 4 kids (teens) who I am being very honest with but careful not to introduce anyone as a replacement for their mother no one will ever take that place. Hi, please somebody help me this is unlike anything Ive been able to find on the Internet. A coward at heart, he didnt even have the guts to tell me himself. It has been really helpful to read so many posts, as Ive never talked to anyone in the same situation as myself. I had a big talk with him over the holidays and told him how I felt. When my sister died, my father filled out all of the paper work on his own, and it definitely made him more depressed. We loved our spouses with all of our hearts, we dedicated our life to them and to the children. She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. Amen, Jodi! Incidentally, he didnt really develop a new relationship with anyone, and somehow I tided over the resentment and anger and we came to a place of understanding took nearly 2 years though. It's clear that your heart aches as well as your mother's. Ive finally accepted that he hasnt replaced my Mom, he just wants companionship and to be happy again. No one will understand what we widows/ers go thru unless you walk in our shoes. I feel like Im losing him, too. About 8 months or so ago, he informed me that he was going out-of-town to meet a woman he had meet on an online dating site who lived in a nearby town. Free moment they are on mom's. I think our options are to either let our relationship continue to grow weaker and more stressful or to try to get him to agree to speak to a counselor/therapist that we could all speak with. The the following year, found out Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and him were dating, when it started I do not know. Knowing that makes it. But I feel myself being divided from my dad and a slap in the face to my Mom if there is something going on. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? I will never tell them their feelings dont matter. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Mom also takes pride in being independent and not putting any pressure on her children to take care of her now that my dad is gone. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. It seems strained to me. Which my mom and her friend did say he was not there trying to replace my dad. They should talk with them and truly take their feelings into account. She be-friended me & acted like we were the best of friends. I lost my Mom to cancer at the end of 2010. I bet he has no idea how this has hurt you, .it wasnt three days after my dad called it quits with this woman, that she was calling him. Within 3 days of her passing, my dad asked me if I wanted to meet this lady friend of his. After Moms Death, Daughter Struggles With Dads Girlfriend. That is NO EXCUSE for these newly widowed people to act like teenagers in their first love affair after their wife dies. Well guys, I made it through Christmas and now into the New Year and hope you were able to cope with your Dads during the holidays. There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. Although we were no longer romantically involved, there was no one else I wanted to be held by more. Everyone needs some type of companionship. However, and I really hate this, the house will go to Ellen if my Dad predeceases her. I am tired of my feelings being invalidated and being made out to be the bad guy. That is not it, I want him to be happy. You have no idea how much it will help. I dont want to feel guilty for wanting to be happy and make no mistake whether you are a dreamy-eyed 16 year old or a 41 yr old man, the feeling of falling in love takes your breath away. I know! I would never ever hurt any childs relationship with their parents for my happiness. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of loss of my late husband and he could do the same with me. He shows repeatedly that she is the only thing he cares about. Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond. I am copying it here because I wanted to share my story and also share the response that I thought was really helpful to me. I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. Unfortunately, dads answer to all this was telling me not to come by because girlfriend will be there and I know you two dont get along. I am guessing the woman is younger. What followed was one of the most upsetting summers of my life. He hit me with the bombshell today that they are now an item. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. Everyone deals with death differently; my family is a prime example. I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. If you pretend to accept you will be able to maintain the relationship for longer but is it really a relationship when there is no honesty? If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. Next time I will let him get written up, its his responsibility to take care of this house. I will never be close to Ellen. She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). In fact, I caught him with tears in his eyes at one point and I couldnt help but wonder if he was thinking about my Mom that night. Our loved ones leave us and we are broken and have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to have family dinners with that empty place at the table. But an immature part of me hope he feels guilty for moving on from my Mum, who he adored. My mother died suddenly in November 2014. He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. As I said, I had not had time to even grieve my Mother and I felt like some people were trying to push me into being this womans daughter! I talked to him last night and he lets me know that he is already seeing someone. At the first family trip, I was already stumped at how quickly things were moving. They are accepting of his new relationship whereas I am not. I wish my dad was here today. We were devastated and werent really allowed to grieve because he wanted us to be one big happy blended family. Also, it's hard for me to really be 100% supportive for her when I am going through tons of grief as well. I miss her so much and this new lady doesnt have children, so I know she cant relate to how I am feeling. I dont understand. The sooner the better. Initially, I dropped groceries to her and meals during those first unknown months of the pandemic. She doesnt even have a headstone on her grave yet. The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. Plus were were having a terrible time finding a priest. I completely was disgusted , It was too soon! But we dont live in a perfect world. His main focus is just Money. I gulped down fear, as I rushed to find out what was happening. Is she my cup of tea? keeping up with the royals Jan. 30, 2023. You and your dad need to talk ask him to tell you how he is feeling too since he lost your mom. Most of the adult children of parents who are dating after a reasonable amount of time of the passing of a spouse, are in a mode of it is all about me and not about my parent. I can not understand their position. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. My husband and I have two beautiful and healthy adult daughters. You only get one life; live it and love it to the fullest of your ability, and dont let the hard times break you. Sonia- I hope you find this response. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. I can offer no hope to anyone going through this. Now I have discovered that while my mother was dying, this other woman was pursuing my father. I let him know that I was worried, and sad that we really never had done this. Dont ask me why as I could not tell you! ( I understand that there are some exceptions and some times this will impossible to accomplish) Well, I overextended myself. She has told him he has a dirty mind. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) I am not casting doubt on this woman or saying she is financially motivated. After chiding myself for all the things I could have done with my dad, and replaying every negative remark I ever said, I realized guilt is an emotion that is draining and is not conducive to feeling better. I see it like this. For myself, I dont think my father could care if we genuinely Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! Here are 100 things that happened after my mom died. I LOST IT. Now she is practically living at my parents house. I just wish I had read all these stories so I wouldnt have felt so alone! First let me say how terribly sorry I am for your situation. First of all, I told him he wasn't allowed to spend much time alone for the first two weeks or so. So it might be raised by my mother died after 7 months ago, at 53. No one HAS to be friends with anyone.. Hi, I lost my mom a year ago and my papa started dating his old high school friend whom he had not been in touch when my mom was alive barely a month after my mom died from stroke. What makes it even harder is that dad also has terminal cancer, and we dont know how long he has left to live. I have dealt with my dad by having my time with him we have a set luncheon date once a week and we have a set day once a week to spend with each other. We had many excursions and seemed to hit it off generally. If you're fortunate enough to have a supportive network, many will say "I am here for you. The key, unsaid part of that sentence is "for whatever you need." I dont want to hear these things, nor do you, I am sure. I believe in family values. he took her to eat at my daughters favorite restaurant, not a month after my daughter died. I actually sang the song through my tears, and then sat in the YouTube parking lot for a few moments in silence. But. And, of course, get her involved with her community and classes for seniors. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. They deserve to be happy. The damage done can not be undone. Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. I have always felt he could have waited longer than 5 months after my moms death to date and move in with another woman, I believe it was in very poor taste, and he did not honor his and my mothers relationship by doing so. Dad and her were married 53 years. I was 21. Im 14 and my mom passed away this year from breast cancer, and it was really hard on me because i was so close to my mom, not very close to my dad or brother. This has just happened to me I am bereft. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); It has been just a little over 1 year since my mother passed. I live you but I don't live this entitled attitude. Below are the six things I learned to do in life, which helped me to survive the past six years: This is very clichd, I agree, but that doesn't make it any less valid. The house that he and my mom picked out before she got sick. I spent many years avoiding her like he plague before she started the next rumor, or I find some thing else damaged or a line cut an so on. While you want your father to find happiness and companionship, it also feels threatening to the memory of your mother, and an intrusion to your family unit as it was. So, your parent is moving on and has found a new love. That is heartbreaking but she is tormenting you. Grieving is not something you should ever do alone. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. I do hope you have found some peace ? I think he got mad at me for not jumping at the chance to meet her. We can afford it, so I'm not complaining. We knew he was spending time with a woman a month after Moms passing, but managed to come to terms with that somehow. You may also want to suggest group therapy for her, if she is open to it. I would hate for one of Ellens sons to get them and sell them. She said that she values our opinions but beyond that nothing much was done. Ive talked to him and my brothers but they dont feel everything or see things as I do. I know it hasn't been a ton of time yet and obviously we are still going through the stages of grief, but I don't want my mom to just be completely miserable. Instead, he announced his engagement a mere 3 month and 3 weeks after her death. I never realized how much paperwork you have to do when someone dies. Im not sure if it was curiosity or what but we agreed to meet them for dinner and a movie. Their response is we are selfish and over-controlling for not allowing them to take the girls. Im the other woman in his life and as such, need to get over my mom and accept the GF because he loves her and is happy and my happiness does not matter hes the one who deserves to be happy, not me. AGAIN. A relatively straightforward residential eviction lawsuit, through trial, can cost upwards of $5,000. I supported him finding companionship. He has a house here in FL and one in KY,so he felt the need to go to KY to get away for a while. I slept every night for 3 months in the hospital with him bc he couldnt talk or use his arms to alert the nursing staff to his needs. There is Hope. She also lost her husband same year as my mom. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. Which he did, but he seemed very needy and insecure. My mom had a disability in her legs for as long as I can remember and as she got older, it got worse and she got to the point of not being able to walk. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . Do not live in the same painful place, allow yourself and your family to move on. My brother was only 13, but my Dad spent most weekends at his girlfriends house. I am in the same ship as most of you. I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. It is so unspeakably insensitive to tell people that the pain and grief they are dealing with could be worse. It's very helpful to meet other people with similar, and maybe even worse circumstances than your own. . To me that is the ultimate low in character. The woman he was dating is a wonderful, genuine respectful woman. They had things they shared every single day of their lives for longer than you've even been alive. She felt needed and purposeful. After my father passed away, I promised myself I wouldn't continue to live my life in the background; I would do substantial things with my life and make every moment count. I think the part that hurts the most is after I told him how I felt, he continued on to tell me that this woman will be staying, most likely past Thanksgiving. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. I would like to help but she doesn't seem to want to ask for help. I once believed for a while she loved him rather than he was useful to her but unfortunately I no longer can receive solace from this idea. People that immediately jump into a relationship and force it on their families are wrong in doing so. I read your post and I feel your pain. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. Youre so young to be going through so much pain dont give up on working through this though. we try to stay in the childs life as best we can. If I was there I would give you a hug.Listening as you work things out is the best thing a friend could do. She lived a distance away but was staying at the house 10 weeks after Mum died; I was 13. Long story short: However, when I call, he rushes me off the phone. We consider ourselves nothing short of blessed to have met and enjoy each other so much. Why would I? Your new love has you to keep him occupied all they have is pain and sadness and memories of someone they had loved and lost. For me this is not a game but it seems to be for him. I just found this websitereading through all your comments made me feel better.I am not the only one feeling lost and angry! How do I deal with it? She unplugged her phone because my calling once a day while my father was sick was stressing her out. My Mother died when I was 13 after a long, long illness. Not 6 months later, my father introduced my brother and me to his 28-year old girlfriend and her two children. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. I dont think that he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them and I dont think they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, but why not? She just really did not know what to do and spent a lot of time just Drifting about. I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. You dont say how old you are Sonia. It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. We have spent the past 21 months gradually allowing everyone to adjust to this new life. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body. This women across the street would come over often, and every time I was there just to be irritating to me because she knew we did not care for each other.